More Stuff on Dog

Dog is ridiculously uncoordinated.

She goes into what looks like a spastic epileptic fit in attempt to catch food I throw at her.

Yet, she has a remarkable ability to balance things on her head.

Dog:  "I hate you..."

Dog:  "Why do you do this to me, assholes..."

 

Dog:  "Seriously? A drink called 'Sac Sac'? 

Are you trying to Special Olympics-slow-pitch-shit 

material for me to make fun of you?"

Dog is SUCH an Asshole

Dog has decided to be an asshole since my return.

Has she ever had a shoe-chewing problem in the past? 

No.

Is Dog a total asshole?

Yes.

She instantly pisses her bed before I say anything. 

Then scrambles to the dry side of her doggy bed and shoots me this look:

Dog:  "What, bitches? That's what you get for all the Skype shenanigans."

I hate you. SO much, Dog. SO much.

Dog is a Creepster

If I fail to close both doors to the bathroom, this is what I get:

(View from toilet)

Dog:  "Hey. 'Sup? I see you have forgotten 

to close the second door to the bathroom."

Me:  "Go away, Dog."

Dog:  "Whatcha doin' there? Taking a piss? Sweet."

Me:  "Go AWAY, Dog."

Me:  "Stop being a creepster. GO AWAY."

Dog:  "I love front row seats to the toilet show."

Me:  "I hate you, so much, Dog. So much."

Look What I Found

Dog:  "Look what I found outside."

Me:  "That's nice. Leave it out there."

Dog:  "But I found it. It's mine. I must bring it inside to protect it from being abducted by other dogs."

Me:  "It's a fucking stick. There's millions of them out there."

Dog:  "Yeah, but this one is mine. Therefore, special and irreplaceable."

Me:  "I don't want it in here because you're going to splinter it to a zillion pieces and I'll have to vacuum it up and then pick wooden splinters out of my feet."

Dog:  "...So that's a yes, then?"

Me:  "I hate you so much."