Look at this ASSHAT'S Parking Job

I hate people... So much...

Dog's New Stick

 Me:  "I see you, Dog. What did I say about sticks in the house?"

Dog:  "What are you talking about? It's the pattern on the rug you see, not an actual stick."

Me:  "Really? A 3-dimensional pattern, eh? This is a magical rug since you pooped on it, eh?"

Dog:  "Hey, hey, check it out. Do I have something in my teeth?" 

 Me:  "I hate you, so much, Dog.  So much..."

 Dog:  "Nonsense."

Dog:  "Check out this new trick I taught myself... First you see the stick... Then...

ABRACADABRA!!!!!"

 Dog:  "The stick magically disappears! Where's the stick? Haha, this rug is for so much more than just pooping on!"

Me:  "You're such a jerk, Dog."

Bread Corgi

Me:  "Hey, Dog, you have a little something on your face."

 Dog:  "I hate you, so much."

Me:  "You look awesome, Dog. The bread frame makes you look quite distinguished."

Dog:  "It does?"

Me:  "Absolutely."

Now Kiss...

Dog:  "Yes... Yes... Now kiss..."

Me:  "Dog, what are you doing with your stuffed animals?"

Dog:  "Nothing! Mind your own business! Look away!!"

Me:  "Perv..."

Dog:  "I learned it from watching you!"

Fatty Ass Dog

Dog:  "I am ninja dog..."

"...Blending in to my surroundings... 

Waiting for the moment to pounce upon my unsuspecting prey... 

Soon, Twitchly, you shall have the fury of Corgi upon you... 

Soon..."

 Me:  "Dog, are you stuck behind the telly trying to retrieve your ball? 

Your fat ass is going on a diet."

 Dog:  "I hate you so much, bitches. Now get me unstuck."

Dog's Stick

Me:  "What the fuck, Dog? You know I don't allow you to bring sticks inside."

Dog:  "But... But..."

 

 

Dog:  "But, I promise I will not splinter it into a million pieces on the rug..."

 

Dog:  "I just want to keep it as my friend. I won't make a mess of it. I swear.

See? I'm just... Sniffing it..."

Me:  "Bullshit, Dog."

Dog:  "Whoa! Did you see that? The stick just exploded into a million pieces!"

Me:  "I hate you so much, Dog."

 

More Stuff on Dog

It's been a while since I've stacked stuff on Dog.

Brown Triangles

Dog has made it clear to me that she does not like the brown triangles in her food.

She eats all the little "meaty" chunks around them.

She licks all the gravy off of them.

Leaving behind only... The brown triangles.

Dog:  "I thought I made it clear that I do not like the brown triangles."

Me:  "Yeah, Dog, I know."

Dog:  "The brown triangles are rubbish. 

How many times must I remind you that I do not like the brown triangles?"

Me:  "For a dog that eats poop, you are quite picky."

 Dog:  "Poop is delicious. Brown triangles are not."

More Stuff on Dog

Dog is ridiculously uncoordinated.

She goes into what looks like a spastic epileptic fit in attempt to catch food I throw at her.

Yet, she has a remarkable ability to balance things on her head.

Dog:  "I hate you..."

Dog:  "Why do you do this to me, assholes..."

 

Dog:  "Seriously? A drink called 'Sac Sac'? 

Are you trying to Special Olympics-slow-pitch-shit 

material for me to make fun of you?"

More Stuff on Dog

Dog:  "I hate this game, bitches."

 Dog:  "It is demeaning to my kind."

Dog:  "Why do you torment me with my own treats?"

Me:  "You're right, Dog, I shouldn't do it with your treats. 

How about with produce?"

Dog:  "I hate you so much."