Touché, Dog...

Dog:  "I now take an alternative approach to your milkbone barrage, bitches."

Dog:  "Milkbones in YOUR FACE, bitches. EVERYWHERE you look. 

Milkbones, motherfuckers."

Dog:  "Milkbones where you least suspect there will be milkbones.
Milkbones like, Rawr, motherfuckers! MILKBONES."

Milkbone Challenge 2012

Dog hates milkbones.

So naturally, I generously offer them to her as treats because it's funny to see her attempts at squirreling them away in "hiding spots" to get rid of them.

"Ground Zero"

A bit too obvious, Dog. Try harder.

Hoping they blend in with the cardboard?

Dog:  "Milkbones and cardboard taste exactly the same. I hate you, so much."

 In the kitchen...

The best effort seen thus far...

 By the bath tub...

 Really, Dog? Right there?

 Running out of hiding spots...

Caught in the act...

Just plain lazy and obvious, Dog.

Ah, your doggy bed that you recently pissed on. 

GREAT place, Dog.

The space between ottoman and sofa... 

The figurative "black hole" of all of her toys...

Not a milkbone, but a rawhide...

Dog:  "What, bitches? I'm tired of your milkbone crap. Give me some bacon."

This one has thus been recently relocated to the center of the rug...

Obviously, some spots are better than others. 

But I think Dog has given up. 

Dog has brought several out from "hiding" and is laying in silent protest, surrounding herself with the worthless milkbones.

Dog:  "I hate you bitches... So... Fucking... Much..."

Dog is SUCH an Asshole

Dog has decided to be an asshole since my return.

Has she ever had a shoe-chewing problem in the past? 

No.

Is Dog a total asshole?

Yes.

She instantly pisses her bed before I say anything. 

Then scrambles to the dry side of her doggy bed and shoots me this look:

Dog:  "What, bitches? That's what you get for all the Skype shenanigans."

I hate you. SO much, Dog. SO much.

Dog Has No Fucks to Give

Dog:  I do not... Give... A... Fuck...

...Bitches.

Skype Dog VI

Me:  Get off the bed, Dog.

Dog:  Seriously, what the fuck? How are you doing that? 

Me:  I have eyes everywhere, Dog. 

Dog:  Stop it. You're making me paranoid.

Me:  Good.

Dog:  You're such a dick sometimes...

Skype Dog V

Dog:  Let's make a deal. If I can balance a biscuit on my nose for 

30 seconds, then you come out of there and give me some gravy.

Me:  Sure, Dog. Deal.

Dog:  Sweet!

Dog:  Steady... Steady...

Me:  1... 2... 3...

Me:  ...18... 19... 20... 21... 22... 23... 24... 25... 26... 27...

Dog:  Oh no... It's slipping... Trying... To... Hold... Still...

Me:  ...28... 29... So close, Dog. But no gravy for you today!

Dog:  I hate you. So much.

Skype Dog IV

Dog:  I'm not talking to you.

Me:  Want some bacon?

Dog:  Bacon?

Me:  Got you to talk to me!

Dog:  I hate you. So much.