Dog: "What's up, asshole?"
Me: "Bring me your ball and let's play fetch."
Dog: "Fuck off, I'm tired."
Me: "Tired? From your grueling schedule of eating, pooping, sleeping, and licking your own doggy vagina? You're a fucking dog. Play some fetch."
Dog: "Yeah.... No. No fetch today. I'm subbing in rug pooping for fetch today."
Me: "Don't poo on the rug."
Dog: "What? My day won't be complete unless I do."
Me: "I hate you so much sometimes, Dog."
Dog: "Likewise, bitches."
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